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They put all kinds in front of me,

To show me up as some kinda wannabe.

I didn’t need no hat or lasso,

To rule this school yard rodeo.


First bull was a human bronco.

‘Big Craig’ they called ‘im.

Hitchhikers all dived on top,

He just shrugged ‘em all off.


So in came I, ‘Big Dan’,

Born and raised a lucky man.

With all mah lucks and all mah joints,

I held onto Big Craig,

For dear life and all them points.


School record was 2 seconds,

Ah shattered it with nineteen.

No one came close to being so lean an’ mean.

I’m bronco-fightin’ machine!




Second bull was this ‘ere machine.

All mechanical it was.

Me conquerin’ Craig in record time,

I was the first brave varmint in line.


In no time at all…

Ah broke the darn handle!

Me! First on that day,

An that robo-bull couldn’t take rough play!


Five seconds, ah broke handle!

And it shook me off,

Ah couldn’t hold candle.

But that bull was put on a leash.

An I came back,

Ah had a lesson to teach!


One minute, 28 seconds!

My record stood tall!

Unmatched score, defiant to all!

I beat the machine more than the human!

I’m the bronco’s sheriff, ya darn tootin’!


Yippee kye-yay!


Third bull…is a proper born and bred,

100% organic beef bull.

This one…ah haven’t actually crossed paths with yet.


What would happen?


Are ya crazy, partner?!


I don’t wanna be gored by no pissed-off bull!


Ah run, Forest, run!


I’ve conquered the human and mechanical bull!

That’s red enough for me!


By D.C. Wood (24.04.08)

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