They put all kinds in front of me,
To show me up as some kinda wannabe.
I didn’t need no hat or lasso,
To rule this school yard rodeo.
First bull was a human bronco.
‘Big Craig’ they called ‘im.
Hitchhikers all dived on top,
He just shrugged ‘em all off.
So in came I, ‘Big Dan’,
Born and raised a lucky man.
With all mah lucks and all mah joints,
I held onto Big Craig,
For dear life and all them points.
School record was 2 seconds,
Ah shattered it with nineteen.
No one came close to being so lean an’ mean.
I’m bronco-fightin’ machine!
Second bull was this ‘ere machine.
All mechanical it was.
Me conquerin’ Craig in record time,
I was the first brave varmint in line.
In no time at all…
Ah broke the darn handle!
Me! First on that day,
An that robo-bull couldn’t take rough play!
Five seconds, ah broke handle!
And it shook me off,
Ah couldn’t hold candle.
But that bull was put on a leash.
An I came back,
Ah had a lesson to teach!
One minute, 28 seconds!
My record stood tall!
Unmatched score, defiant to all!
I beat the machine more than the human!
I’m the bronco’s sheriff, ya darn tootin’!
Third bull…is a proper born and bred,
100% organic beef bull.
This one…ah haven’t actually crossed paths with yet.
What would happen?
Are ya crazy, partner?!
I don’t wanna be gored by no pissed-off bull!
Ah run, Forest, run!
I’ve conquered the human and mechanical bull!
That’s red enough for me!
By D.C. Wood (24.04.08)