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We appeal to your humanity.

The cost of living is a frugal one.

And comes in many delicious flavours.


I, the Chancellor for Cheese & Onion,

am struggling to deal with this

rift in the crisp cabinet.

The Secretary for Salt & Vinegar

has been betrayed by inflation.

The Minister for Ready Salted…

well, he’s just calling for a drier mouth.


Our Speaker in the House of Prawn Cocktail,

is outraged by the ingredients of recession.

That these disgusting new flavours,

‘Credit Crunch’, ‘MP’s Expenses’ & ‘Government Guidelines’

have left such a bad-taste in one’s mouth.


Our budget alone is insufficient

to cover our hungry bellies,

as well as those of the Walkers Party,

the HPs, the Smiths Party, the Golden Wonders,

and of course, the Kettle Party.


We are hereby rallying all houses,

regardless of whatever flavours you support,

to chip-in for our potato chips.

Forget to vote for ‘Cajun Squirrel’ and ‘Builder’s Breakfast’.

It is imperative we all support the oldies & goldies,

So that we may have something decent and plentiful

to go with our pints for the next year!


I now call upon the leader of the opposition

to supply me with my Cheese & Onion. It’s his round.


By D.C. Wood (15.05.2013)

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